What to do when you have 2 dads! | Weddings, Etiquette and Advice | Wedding Forums | WeddingWire
Even if the bride's relationship with her father or step-father is strained, she can still give him a place of honor at the reception, by having the. Her stepfather may very well be the man she thinks of as dad, while her birth He revealed that their relationship hadn't always been chummy. Bride Whose Father and Stepfather Walked Her Down the Aisle gesture than the bride herself, Brittany Peck, who says the rocky relationship.
And it seems very obvious that his girlfriend was in the loop about everything. How can you fix a situation like this?
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I doubt that you can. It sounds like the mother's boyfriend finally realized that he didn't have an actual place in their family, and put the kibosh on being taken advantage of any further.
Because he's not married to the bride's mother, it's easier for him to get angry and walk away. Somebody who is a legitimate step-parent, married to your mother or father, doesn't have that luxury. Just because their stepchildren treat them badly doesn't give them an escape route. If they've always been treated like second-class citizens by your family, it will only be worse for a wedding.
Don't forget to get flowers for your stepmom, stepdad, and step-grandparents. Make sure they're all seated with at least one person they like to talk to at the table.
Realize that they will be in all your family photos, except maybe a few with just your parent their husband or wife and your siblings. Anytime you want to feature both parents in a photo, plan to include both parents' spouses as well. Even if you don't feel the same way about your step-parents as you do your real parents, you need to treat them with equal respect at your wedding events.
Your stepmom or stepdad already feels completely out of place, if this issue is really a consideration for you. If you were close, none of this would even come up. Attending your wedding might actually be very, very challenging for them but they're going to be there to support their spouse and wish you good luck in your marriage. If your mother has a problem with your stepmother, try not to let that be your problem, too.
Same goes for dads and stepdads. If your step-parent has been good to you, and has been a part of your life for a long time, they probably love you very much and want you to have the most stress-free wedding possible. On the flip side, if you have always had an acrimonious relationship with a step-parent, you don't get to cut them out of the wedding to be spiteful. They're still married to one of your parents, and you still have to include them as though you like them. Only in the most extreme of circumstances should you conduct yourself in a manner that says you don't want them there, such as a history of getting drunk and obstreperous at family events in the past.
If you're worried they will embarrass you, talk to whichever parent they're married to and express your concerns. They'll likely have a quiet word with their spouse before the wedding to make sure that behavior is not repeated. Step-parents can't help feeling awkward at their stepchildren's weddings. They're not sure if they should be volunteering to help, or staying quiet and in the shadows.
As one of your parent's spouses, they should be front and center with their husband or wife for everything. Even if their birth-parent counterpart isn't happy about it.
And that leads me to my final thoughts on this. Even when a bride and groom realize they have to be extra careful not to hurt feelings, that doesn't guarantee that their birth parents will behave appropriately towards the person who is, in fact, their replacement for their ex-spouse. Especially in situations when one parent is remarried, and the other is still single, but doesn't want to be.
Those are the times when the bride and groom have to be more sensitive to everybody, but make sure things don't get out of hand.
I'll never forget one girlfriend's wedding where the much-loved mother of the bride recruited all of the bridesmaids to be mean to the new "stepmonster. She made it easy for everyone to be nasty to her because she wasn't a very likeable person. She was as ice cold as the bride's mother was warm and fuzzy. When she felt defensive, she became visibly brittle and came off as a nasty person.
The fact that the bride's father had left her mother for this woman didn't help matters, as many of the guests who had never actually met her had already formed negative opinions. Now that I'm older, married, and have adult stepchildren of my own, I can see what kind of horrible pressure we were putting on the stepmother. I still don't really like her, but I do feel a little bit sorry for her.
She never had a chance to win, so she probably shouldn't have been trying so hard. Her fate was determined long before that wedding was planned. Her best bet would have been to keep her mouth shut. So do you see what I mean about how weddings force people to establish their official presence in the bridal couple's life? Everybody might have been getting along just fine in their separate worlds until an engagement forced them all together in the most uncomfortable way possible.
As the bride and groom, it's your duty to treat everybody kindly and respectfully, and do your best to avoid creating uncomfortable situations. If you were raised by your stepfather, it would be perfectly appropriate to bestow this honor on him. On the other hand, if you are close to your mom and dad, you can ask them both to escort you down the aisle.
Perhaps both your father and stepfather deserve the honor -- in that case, they can both escort you. You may also have your beloved grandfather or brother do the honors. It's up to you. Whatever you decide, let your father know in advance. Some brides walk themselves down the aisle, while others are escorted by the groom. Go with your gut on this. Whatever you choose will be right.
Avoid Giving Step-Parents the Shaft at Your Wedding
The Reception Receiving Line Many couples are eliminating the receiving line altogether, but if you plan to have one, the general rule is that whoever is hosting the reception stands in the receiving line.
For example, if the bride's mother and stepfather are hosting, they would stand together in line, and the bride's father would be a guest not in the receiving line.
Divorced parents should not stand together in a receiving line. Seating Both of your parents will want to sit in places of honor at your wedding reception, but neither should sit at the bridal table.
Rather, each parent should host his or her own table. Make sure that any divorced parents are not sitting at tables too close to one another. Giving them space will allow them to feel relaxed and enjoy themselves. Bridal Dances To avoid the awkward situation of a DJ or bandleader announcing dances that probably shouldn't occur, decide on the dances beforehand and inform the announcer of the way you'd like to proceed.
If you like, you can dance with your father first; then mid-song, take your stepfather's arm, thus honoring both men. For the "parent dance," avoid hurting any feelings by having both parents and their spouses if remarried take the floor.
If you think the entire dance scenario is going to cause grief, do away with it. Simply explain the situation to the bandleader or DJ ahead of time. Photography Be sensitive where photography is concerned. While you may want family photos with both of your parents, former spouses may refuse to be in photographs together.
Find out ahead of time what is acceptable for them. If applicable, it is appropriate to include stepparents in some -- but not all -- wedding pictures.